It is normally gone before I realise it is there, actually I think realising it is there is what makes it disappear but I welcome the fact it was there again. Those perfect few seconds between the worlds of sleep and reality. I would live there if I could, that split second in time where I am still me and my world still exists. Of course I can’t and no sooner do I start to smile and acknowledge my surroundings inside my bubble it pops and is replaced with all the pain and anger that was being kept at bay.
Today was no different, I woke up and thought about work, not as depressing as you might think as I love my job and right now it is the only thing I can trust to be real. Over the last couple of months I have been neglecting my work as I have found it almost impossible to get myself motivated and if I am being truthful with myself, which I must be, I have been avoiding the interaction with other people because I feel like the whole world is laughing at me, pointing their fingers behind my back whilst sniggering
“There’s the guy who couldn’t keep his wife happy”
And occasionally they will say
“Stupid fool would take her back too”
Of course they don’t do this really, they don’t know, and if they did they probably wouldn’t care anyway, after all we all have our problems in life. So I would like to thank the people I work for, for their support patience and understanding while I get my act together.
The Feeling of humiliation after someone cheats on you is normal, from what I can find on the internet, whilst not having done anything wrong I can’t help but feel that the world must be laughing at me, I mean only a complete fool can go for five years without realising something is wrong and surely even the village idiot wouldn’t consider reconciliation after that. So time to take a deep breath, stick two fingers up at the world as it gossips in corners and do a day’s work which I hope will if nothing else give me a little bit of a distraction from everything else.
All the best and Stay well