My Son, My world

Both men and Women cheat, it is not exclusive to either one of the sexes but Men will have to face a question that women will never have the need to ask themselves.

Are the children mine?

It took me an hour to write the above sentence, the very thought of it knocks me down to my knees. My son is three years old, and he is a wonderful, fun-filled, energetic delight. We also have a baby coming soon but while it might sound wrong I am more concerned about my son at present, maybe because I have not yet formed a bond with the unborn child.

My wife, has had over the last five years a sexual affair with a co-worker, It’s over, and we trying to figure out what to do next, she says that she is 99% sure I am the father because they used protection but not because she is certain about the dates involved. So that leaves me with a number of things to think about, I don’t know the answers and can’t offer any advice either.

1)      Do I want to stay with My Wife?

          a)      Yes, I know this with complete clarity

2)      Can I / We survive this?

          a)       Maybe, we can only try

3)      Can I / We survive if I am not the children’s Father?

          a)      ?

You see it is not necessarily the parentage that causes the problem, I am adopted myself, My Father raised me as his own with as much love and care as his biological children. I know I could do the same as I was bought up to believe that there are simply stronger bonds than blood.  The actual problem is this; Should it turn out I am not the biological father, I can raise and love the children but I cannot and will not lie to them, they (and their father) will have to be told, everyone has the right to know and that would leave my wife and I in a situation where we are trying to start again with the other man around forever.

That is what I fear most, and whilst we will carry out the appropriate tests in the near future, I feel I need a little more time to be sure I want to be with my wife and to rebuild a bit of resilience again before opening an envelope from a clinic


7 thoughts on “My Son, My world

      1. Fear and courage aren’t opposites as you suggest being convinced of.

        I see courage as walking toward your fears, eyes wide open, doing what it takes to get you to where you want to be.

        I see “fear” as a different approach towards handling what you are afraid of…shrinking back or turning your back away because it hurts too much.

        You hurt. But you are not ignoring it. That is courage. You are a man in every way. Give yourself the credit you are due, you are not helping yourself by putting yourself down so much. Hang in there. She will eventually see you through eyes of revitalized love…and you will know it was worth it.

  1. Sorry I am coming late to the party so to speak. I wanted to say after starting to read your posts that there is one thing for certain, you are that boy’s father. Anyone can be labeled a father but you exhibit the qualities of a father. Despite what any test might say, you have been that boy’s father and from reading about you, will continue to be that boy’s father. See anyone can be a parent. Being a father is more than blood, more than a name on birth certificate. When you hold that child and show him your love, he is yours. No doubt about it.

    1. Hi, welcome to the party. Thank you for your comments they mean a lot. I am actually adopted and really understand that a father is judged by his actions and not by blood alone, that said I am sure you will understand my concerns. It would be heartbreaking to have to share the special bond I have with my son, I actually have a blog on here about life written from his perspective ,although I will not mention it’s name as it is a very public blog followed by many friends and family. My son (and my wife) mean the world to me, thank you again for your comments. Warm regards “I”
      P.S apologies if I have responded twice my internet keeps crashing today

  2. I have just come across your blog today so, I too am late but…I applaud your courage also. I am adopted as well and understand the appreciation we have for our adoptive parents but, you are right, in the event that these are not your biological children, everyone will have to know. That is the difficulty with getting past infidelity: the wayward person has never truly considered the devastation that is caused by it – the domino effect. I will continue reading your story – your sensitivity to the far reaching effect on the psyche is so well articulated.

    1. Hi, thank you for your comments , i don’t know how i missed it before and i do always try to respond to anyone kind enough to leave their thoughts so better late than never regards “i”

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