Eight hours ? when did that last hapen ?

We are told, presumably by people who know what they are talking about that we need to get eight hours of sleep at night, in reality most of us will be lucky with six especially those of us with young children in the house who just don’t understand the concept of time and are puzzled when we don’t want to play with train sets at five o’clock in the morning.

I have never needed a lot of sleep, five hours is fine most of the time although if it drops below this for too long I start to struggle. Recently however, say the last six weeks or so since finding out about the affair I don’t feel like I have slept at all. I mentioned before that I am not a big fan of medication and the doctors have already given me sertraline to balance me out so I really don’t want to contemplate sleeping tablets for the fear of becoming one of the walking dead.

Initially after finding out that my wife had been seeing someone else, I asked her to go and stay with her mother whilst I tried to process everything. She only lives 10 miles away and I knew before she would have even arrived that I still loved her and wanted to be together. During that time I couldn’t make myself go upstairs to our bedroom because knowing the other man had come here when I was away made it feel almost haunted (pathetic I know) I chose instead to sleep on the sofa and later when we agreed that my wife and son really should be back at home regardless to what was going to happen to us I continued to sleep downstairs where for the following two weeks my wife joined me, maybe to show how desperate she was to prove to me that she wanted to be with me and maybe because she was also hurting and guilty.

Eventually we returned to our room, I only lasted an hour before the pressure got to me and I returned downstairs, my wife again joined me, and for the following week she refused to allow us to return to our room until eventually we did, I still spend most of the night awake, but I have had a couple of nights when through pure exhaustion I have slept well, last night wasn’t one of them and today I feel like one of those little elastic thumb puppets that collapse when you push the bottom.  I have managed to get a few hours work done which is good and have a little more planned for this afternoon as I seek normality but what I really want right now is eight hours of full, dream free blissful sleep, but I guess I will just go and make a coffee instead.


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