Not one of my better days

So far I have managed to stay pretty calm; there was a ten minute period when I shouted at my wife without so much as pausing to breathe but that was when I first found out she had slept / was sleeping with someone else. Since then I have discovered the whole picture, five years of an on / off relationship with another man that started only two years after we were married, we had been together for nine years in all.

We are of course trying to make it work, I love her too much to walk away and if she can still be honest after years of lies it would seem she wants to stay. So I remain calm, loving, forgiving even but by god I want to shout, let all the anger pour out.  There is so much suppressed anger in me right now I could sort out all the world’s problems by simply storming into all the heads of states offices, and dragging them into one room where I could bang their heads together without mercy until the all saw sense and the combined efforts of all their security staff wouldn’t get close to me.

I want to shout and yell at my wife, to tell her how she has destroyed everything that matters and that I know I will never be the same person ever again; I want to ruin the other man’s life to the point where he is on his knees begging for it to stop so I can simply kick him in the teeth and I want all of this in such a cold, calculated and certain way it is terrifying.

Of course I know I won’t do any of these things, shouting at my wife would only upset me, and I don’t think I ever really want to come face to face with the other man. So I will do the only thing I can do which is nothing, and you know what, this makes me angry too.

On a lighter note, Tomorrow is Friday

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2 thoughts on “Not one of my better days

  1. Your pain is so so deep. I know it well.

    Are you guys in therapy together? What are your plans in regards to reconciliation? May I suggest the book Not “Just Friends” by Shirley Glass for both of you?

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