Have you ever heard anyone say that you can tell a lot about a man from his shoes? Well its rubbish of course, the only thing you can tell about a man by his shoes is what size his feet are. Every other bit of information we believe we can get from this is quite simply in our head, our own (normally wrong) opinion based on something very superficial.
Identity, possibly the most important thing we posses, from our personality and beliefs down to our mannerisms are the result of years of accumulated experiences, and not based on what pair of shoes we decided to grab out of the cupboard as we rush out the house.
Before you read on ask yourself a simple question;
Who are you?
So what was your answer?
People tend to refer to themselves in different ways, maybe defining themselves by what they do for a living and believe that their chosen profession is what they are inside, naturally there is nothing wrong with this but whilst I love my job I would not say it defines me as a person. Neither do my hobbies or interests although they probably contribute to the building of my personality more than my work does.
If I was to answer the question above myself my answer would be simple, I am a husband and father, you see everything else, work, hobbies, lifestyle choices are all limited by the passing of time but being a husband and a father are constants, they defy time and if everything else was stripped away I could still look at myself and say I was happy because I would know what I am.
One of the biggest problems facing me right now whilst we try and work through the aftermath of my wife’s five year affair is having to realise that the two things that define who I am, the two most important things in the world to me are both in doubt and not “constant” as I once believed
When I found out about my wife’s affair I realised that the very way I describe myself was in fact a lie, so when I asked earlier ; who are you? I asked myself the same thing. Sadly, right now I don’t know, and having no self identity feels almost crippling.