It is very much a living thing, it grows and it can be demanding at times requiring a lot of nourishment and care but over time it develops into something that stands tall, supported by roots that dig down deeper than the foundations of the earth. It has the power to create life and destroy it. it has throughout time been our greatest ally and the most devastating of foes, inspiring some of the greatest minds of our world and ruining others and although we are aware of the dangers that this thing called love can bring we still strive to obtain it, we still desire to touch it choosing to ignore the warnings that we may get hurt.
When we get hurt, we need to talk to those close to us and naturally we want to rally our nearest and dearest who we know will give us the support we need. Not saying anything to the people around you is hard work, I can understand why my wife, being the guilty party, would not want to broadcast her affair to our friends and family but occasionally I feel it would be nice to explain to those close to us why I have been down of late.
I have read a few posts, including from therapists, that say to move on you must tell everyone. I have to disagree. Today we have told our parents, mine do not have the full detail but they know enough. My wife’s parents know and her mother at least, knows everything. I do not see what good can come of telling anyone else, we have a fairly large family, I have two sisters, a brother and my wife has a sister. Unless we decide to get divorced and go our separate ways what good can come out of telling them all about the affair?
The first time I met my sister-in-law she was seven years old, I went for diner to meet my wife’s parents and she hid at the top of the stairs and would not come down. She is now twenty-three and we are very close, I am her big brother and regard her as my own little sister. She and my wife have an excellent relationship but she will side with me most of the time and even my mother in law will get me to talk to her when we need to her do something. I can only imagine the devastating effect that telling her about the affair would have, she’s young and quick to judge, and may never forgive her sister for her actions and surely the only person required to find forgiveness in this situation is me? I have no desire to drag those I love into this pit of bitterness to allow each and every one of them to become judge, jury and executioner. I have two older sisters of my own and a younger brother; they are all married with children. They love my wife and they are all very close. If I am to tell the world about this affair exactly how many lives am I going to have a negative effect on? How many family gatherings will be ruined for everyone in the future?
If you are thinking about having an affair, then don’t. If you are not happy with your existing relationship then leave and find someone else later when you are in a better place.
If you chose to ignore such a simple statement remember you could be choosing to ruin more lives than those within your home, the ripples sent out by the stone you will throw will continue growing, disrupting the harmony of everyone who ever opened their heart to you. Family and friends may not be as forgiving as the person you betray and you will be left alone silently wishing that you had put the stone down instead of succumbing to the temptation of throwing it into the water just to see what would happen.