I used to take it off quite often, at work it would potentially get damaged due to chemicals I would handle, at home I might be decorating and sometimes it was just because my hands were hot and it felt tight. I always knew where it was though and would never go out without it. After all my wedding ring was golden sign I could hold up to the world, a symbol to everyone that I would ever meet of my happiness and pride in being married to an amazing woman.
Somehow, a little under three years ago I lost it, my hands felt naked, I felt like I had let my wife down and spent hours on end going through draws and boxes and have lost count of the times I have turned out the pockets of every item of clothing I owned. My wife was upset but not nearly as much as I thought she would be, of course I didn’t know then that she was having an affair and I still don’t know today if that influenced the way she felt about my loosing it. Up until recently I had refused to give up hope that it would turn up again one day, but have looked in every jewellery store since then on the off-chance of finding one that looked similar, I never did.
In July of this year I was passing through Dubai airport on a work trip to India and knowing that the price of gold there was dramatically different to the price back in the U.K. I decided to get a new ring to surprise my wife when I returned home. Finding out shortly afterwards that during the time I was there she was with someone else has meant I have had trouble wearing it, although always will in public but it never felt like it belonged on my hand. Unlike my actual ring it held no significance.
Over the weekend just gone I spent the time moving my son into his new bedroom, to free up the smaller room for the baby due in January, upon removing his bed to replace with a cot I found all the gift bags we have kept from his birthdays and christening, I don’t really like hording things, this was very much my wife’s work but as the two of us were down on our knees looking though the keepsakes which included all the cards from his birth, and even the little bands from around his wrist in the hospital. Under the various congratulations notes and tiny teddy bears I noticed a ring in the bottom of the bag, I didn’t say anything, I simply picked it out and my wife looked at me not knowing what was in my hand. I couldn’t really speak my emotions soaring, part joy of finding it, part sadness of what it now represented compared to the last time I wore it. Without words I simply kissed my wife’s cheek and put the ring on. She saw it then for the first time, and for the first time since finding out about her affair she cried, she has cried before but this was the first time she did so in a way that didn’t show fear, regret or sorrow she cried with love. I don’t like to see my wife cry, but I needed to see that sign proving her love was still there, I needed to know she still loved me and did not want to try again out of a sense of duty or regret. The ring feels heavier today than I remember, perhaps weighted down with a burden it did not suffer before but it will never leave me again.