It’s strange how things in life go around in a full circle. My wife’s affair began like so many others during her office Christmas party, that was five years ago now in 2007. Today once again the decorations are out, drinks will flow and people who should know better will be faced with life changing moments that they were perhaps not expecting. Today is the day of the office Christmas party 2012. Of course there is a great difference this time to that of five years ago because today is also the day that my wife will finish working and start her maternity leave, today I hope is the day that I can truly have my wife back, after six o’clock she will never have to see the other man ever again, I will never have to pick her up from work sat in the car forcing myself not to burst into her office and beat the living daylights out the man and just because I can forgive my wife do not think for a second that there is a day that passes where I don’t wish I could do just that.
I am in a much better place than I was when I posted my first thoughts on this blog, but I am far from “healed” if that is really the correct term. I have however managed to find a strange comfort in acceptance, vital I think to be able to move forward, I know I will never be comfortable about the situation, I know I will always remember, I know it will always hurt at some level but equally as important I know I cannot change this and so I accept, adjust and move on.
I do not normally post pictures on my blog, and this one is hardly going to win any awards for amazing photography but this morning as I was outside waiting for my wife I had a coffee and a cigarette (yes I know they are bad for me, but one thing at a time) I looked up to see the very last leaf submitting to the forces of nature as a gust of wind ripped it away from the huge oak outside our house,
like me only a few months ago that tree was so vibrant, so full of life and strong, now having done nothing more harmful than simply exist it had been stripped down to its raw inner self left with nothing apart from hope of a new spring, left to wait until life and circumstance allow it to flourish again once more. Today as My wife leaves work and comes home to me leaving behind everything that has passed will be the true first day of our winter but spring will come.