Why is being together so lonely?

You will have noticed I do not post quite so often at the moment, there are a few reasons I think, but mainly I would suggest that I don’t really know what to say, endless posts about feeling down or sorry for myself after my wife’s affair do not make for fascinating reading and do little to push the boundaries of creative writing. Today however I have decided to ask a question of people who are unfortunate enough to share some of the experiences life has handed out in recent times.


Do you feel lonely?


I know that might seem like a cruel question to those people who have been left on their own after infidelity but I am without the intention of excluding anybody directing the question to anyone who has remained with their partner after finding out about an affair.

 All I have ever wanted in life was the woman I love and my family. My wife, the woman who for fifteen years has been there for me as a lover and cliché as it might sound my best friend. She is the woman who has been there for me during all the challenges we have undertaken in life, from buying our first home as teenagers, various jobs and even moving counties on more than one occasion, it was her who was by my side laughing during the good moments and comforting me during the bad ones, today she is more than just my wife, she is the mother of my children (we will forget about the potential they are not for the moment) and so today I want to be with her more than ever before and my love has not diminished.

So back to the question, do you feel lonely? I know I do, even after everything I have said above I feel alone, isolated, we are still together, there is no contact with the other man, and I have as stated in previous blogs I agreed that I will be a father to the children regardless of the outcome of any tests, so why do I feel alone? I have everything I wanted, I have my wife, I have my children, the only thing missing from the group that I can identify is the absence of myself, I feel like a set of lost keys, I know they are around somewhere, I remember seeing them not so long ago but no matter how many times I check down the side of the sofa or turn out my coat pockets they simply refuse to turn up. Of course keys appear in the end, and they are normally exactly where they were to start with and we don’t waste time thinking about where they went we simply get on with things. I am hoping that I am going to turn up again soon, with luck right back where I was supposed to be all along in the meantime I am left with the irony that in this “togetherness” I have found within my family I have never felt so lonely.

I will try to update the blog more often, stay well






8 thoughts on “Why is being together so lonely?

  1. I understand this to a point. I felt lonely in my marriage before I had the affair. It was what made me susceptible, but I didn’t know it at the time.

    In order to feel NOT lonely, you need to connect with someone else. In order to connect, you need to be able to be vulnerable. It’s hard to be vulnerable in a relationship when you don’t feel safe enough to give yourself freely, without hesitation. To give yourself freely, you need to trust the person with whom you want to bare yourself to in order to feel connected and not alone.

    So I think the question is…Do you feel safe enough to be vulnerable in your marriage?

    1. Hi Thanks for commenting, do I feel safe enough to be vulnerale ? thats is quite a question let us just say that I recognise the vulnerability of my marriage and I don’t like it.
      stay well

      regards “I”

  2. I have felt alone at times and at others closer than we ever have been. I am scared to be comfortable in the good times but they are there for me. I hope they come back for you as well.

  3. I sometimes feel lonely in my pain – my husband can’t truly understand what I am going through no matter how much support he tries to offer. My friends are supportive, but they have never been through this. I sometimes feel lonely because I can’t express the pain – like you said, I can’t go on and on about feeling bad, so many days it is my burden to carry, alone. I understand what you wrote about being lost – everything has changed and it can be hard to figure out how to navigate through this new life.

    1. Hi, thank you for your comment, sorry it took me so long to reply, life is busy which is a poor excuse I know. I wonder when I think about friends not knowing what I am going through if they actually do, after all with the exception of a select few I have told none of them and maybe they are doing the same, I wish you the best of luck navigating life, something once done by looking at the stars which is a nicer thought maybe than being lost. stay well regards “I”

  4. My ex partner cheated on me. I attempted to reconcile, but in the end he ended up with his mistress and I ended up… happy. Interestingly, in retrospect, I was much lonelier before our breakup than I was after we separated. I think sometimes we hold on to something because we’re taught that the dissolution of a relationship is a personal failure. I fought for my relationship because, in spite of the tremendous hurt he had inflicted with his infidelity and the fact that we really had a tumultuous and toxic relationship, I was holding on desperately to an idealized future. But letting go was the best thing I’ve ever done. I spent nearly a year ‘alone’ but very rarely felt lonely in that time. I remained with him for about a month after he revealed his infidelity to me (which I know isn’t a lengthy period of time, but it’s my only frame of reference), and I felt so alone in that time period. I was alone because he couldn’t, or wouldn’t, truly understand what he’d put me through. I felt alone because he was subsumed by his own guilt. I felt alone because I essentially was alone. I can empathize with that feeling of loneliness, of loss.

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