You will have noticed I do not post quite so often at the moment, there are a few reasons I think, but mainly I would suggest that I don’t really know what to say, endless posts about feeling down or sorry for myself after my wife’s affair do not make for fascinating reading and do little to push the boundaries of creative writing. Today however I have decided to ask a question of people who are unfortunate enough to share some of the experiences life has handed out in recent times.
Do you feel lonely?
I know that might seem like a cruel question to those people who have been left on their own after infidelity but I am without the intention of excluding anybody directing the question to anyone who has remained with their partner after finding out about an affair.
All I have ever wanted in life was the woman I love and my family. My wife, the woman who for fifteen years has been there for me as a lover and cliché as it might sound my best friend. She is the woman who has been there for me during all the challenges we have undertaken in life, from buying our first home as teenagers, various jobs and even moving counties on more than one occasion, it was her who was by my side laughing during the good moments and comforting me during the bad ones, today she is more than just my wife, she is the mother of my children (we will forget about the potential they are not for the moment) and so today I want to be with her more than ever before and my love has not diminished.
So back to the question, do you feel lonely? I know I do, even after everything I have said above I feel alone, isolated, we are still together, there is no contact with the other man, and I have as stated in previous blogs I agreed that I will be a father to the children regardless of the outcome of any tests, so why do I feel alone? I have everything I wanted, I have my wife, I have my children, the only thing missing from the group that I can identify is the absence of myself, I feel like a set of lost keys, I know they are around somewhere, I remember seeing them not so long ago but no matter how many times I check down the side of the sofa or turn out my coat pockets they simply refuse to turn up. Of course keys appear in the end, and they are normally exactly where they were to start with and we don’t waste time thinking about where they went we simply get on with things. I am hoping that I am going to turn up again soon, with luck right back where I was supposed to be all along in the meantime I am left with the irony that in this “togetherness” I have found within my family I have never felt so lonely.
I will try to update the blog more often, stay well