Is Your blog a secret ?

Does your partner know about your blog?

Mine doesn’t and I started to ask myself recently if keeping a secret blog is akin to cheating. Now I am quite aware that it is nothing in comparison to my wife’s affair and doesn’t even constitute an emotional attachment but it is a secret and it remains so mainly because If she knew about it she would naturally want to read it and that of course would end up being upsetting for her. After all, she is one of the main protagonists and isn’t cast in a very good light not to mention the fact that the content is sometimes a little raw, a little dark and even when I try to bring humor into a post it isn’t really any more light-hearted.

You see by having this blog I am in a way going against everything that we have decided we have to do in the future, meaning being completely honest with each other with no lies or secrecy, not that I have lied about having a blog, it just hasn’t come up in conversation.

Before I started these pages I used to have five other blogs, I still do I guess, but I haven’t updated them for over a year and I have no intentions of doing so as they are very public and followed by many friends and family who simply think that I have decided to stop writing because I don’t have time, my social media accounts such as Facebook, twitter etc have been deleted and even my linked-in account has been reset so I can properly monitor everyone with “connections” to me

So I simply wondered out of idle curiosity if your partner (assuming that you were the victim of an affair) knows about your blog and what they think about it.

Also, and this might seem a little unfair but, if you were the guilty party and you now have a secret blog do you think that you are really doing everything you can to make amends by keeping yet more secrets?

I know that sounds like double standards and maybe it is but that’s life I’m afraid, I feel like I need the support network as I am unable to discuss my situation with people I actually know without vindicating my wife but if I thought she had a secret blog telling the world how good or bad she felt about the whole affair I would be out the door not even bothering to leave a note to say “I thought we said no more secrets”

Anyway, now I have you thinking (or shouting at the unfairness of double standards) I will bid you all a good weekend and say farewell

 

Regards “I”  

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11 thoughts on “Is Your blog a secret ?

  1. Do you think that it might be helpful for your wife to read this blog? It might be cathartic for you and it might help her to understand your inner turmoil… You would both just have to remember that this is YOUR outlet for feelings you’re having that you cannot contain and do not feel comfortable actually telling her.

    1. Hi, to be honest I do not think it would be helpful, I remember every text, email and message she shared with the other man, as much as i try to forget them they will not go away. Whilst this is a little different I would spare her that pain I do tell her pretty much what I say in this blog however just with a little more thought before hand, thanks for the comment, regards “I”

  2. He knows I blog, he knows I do it under a pseudonym, I’ve never hidden it. He knows its a theraphtic outlet for me and a support network. Its under my favorites on our shared computer, he can read it if he wants. He chooses not to due to the fact that he doesn’t think he can handle my unfiltered raw emotions. However, I have emailed him some entries that I feel convey my feelings better than I can verbally. He may some day read it, but that will be his decision.

      1. Oh, me neither. But then, I’m the one that has to know EVERYTHING. Which is why I’ve tortured myself with every detail of his affairs. And I mean EVERY detail.

        I think for him, though he KNOWS that I’m beyond broken/devastated/etc. actually reading my words cement it in even more. With him for the most part when we talk, I carefully choose my words because he shuts down emotionally if I were to just go on a tirade of rage spewing forth. (Not that I haven’t mind you). And if I want a constructive conversation…I try not to do this. (I do fail at times). So if he were to see my bare soul, post after post, he’d probably think I was ready to toss him out the door repeatedly (which I have been close). And, he’s just not ready for that.

        As I said, I have asked him to read some things, and he has. Like the letter I wrote to him about the impact his affairs had on me, I sent him my recent post from yesterday about “I’m Angry” and various other posts. Sometimes I sprinkle positive in there too since I am very much working towards reconciliation with him and I do love him so much.

        He’s never been one to handle emotions well, but he’s trying so hard to get in touch with that part of himself, for me. And I do believe some day he will be ready to read this, just not yet.

  3. It could be like your diary to her. She can know that you have it, but respect the fact that you would like to keep your thoughts private right now while you are saying things that wouldn’t be productive for your relationship.

    My husband knew about mine (I’m the one who cheated) and didn’t read it for a year or so. He was healing, and I was processing, so this was definitely BEST for our relationship. But he knew it was there. Then, finally, one day, he was ready, and he read it. I was SO GLAD that he pursued that, because it wasn’t something I could force on him.

    Reading it was very unsettling for him, but we were both ready for it after that time.

    1. Thank you for your comment , I think it was extremely brave of him to read it as our roles are reversed. I can’t say I would want to or even be happy knowing an account was there for all to see. I’m glad it worked for you both regards “I”

  4. My wife reads my blog, and has open access any time she wants it. She also writes; this has created a problem because she invited many friends that we both know from childhood, and still know to read her blog, which she identifies me by my blogging name on. That is bad because I divulged some incredibly personal information that, until I hid, they had open access to.

  5. My husband knows and has encouraged me to write because he knows it’s an outlet for me. I feel like if we are going to be open about everything that means EVERYTHING! In the beginning he didn’t read it because he was so focused on his own pain that he couldn’t deal with mine. But now he reads everything I write. I write under a different name only to protect his AP. I also have no desire for her also to read this at this time. I am working on writing a book and will keep her name change but will come out opening with ours. His affair became public because he was a pastor and he chose to go before our former congregation and confess after his AP went to her husband and he called me. I feel I can’t tell or expect him not to keep secrets from me if I am doing the same to him. My husband also told me once that when I write he sees so much deeper into my heart and gets a greater understanding of what I feel.

  6. There is such a commonality to pain. I really believe we are designed to share it.
    That being said, I blogged for 18 months before my husband read a word. He didn’t want to, saw it as my outlet, and for that I am grateful. And then he read it, because on of our counselors suggested it, and he had nothing to say. It was a strange and lonely hollowness. A new kind of pain, to have someone SEE your pain and have nothing- NOTHING- to say. So, do I recommend it? Yes. Because just like you wrote before, we tend to judge quickly and sometimes we are right, and sometimes we are wrong. I was wrong to assume his lack of response meant he didn’t care about my pain and love me deeply (despite what he did). My pain was too much for him. What I wanted when I consented to him reading it, was for him to connect to the story and the pain. To meet me in our terrible story, walk with me and feel my pain as if it it was hisown. He couldn’t do that.
    Now, though, when I have a snarky day, I don’t have to say much more except “read my blog.” 🙂
    Blessings to all you who has said “No!!!! Infidelity is not the end!”
    -m

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