My Moral Obligations..(really who wrote this)

Sometimes people get a little upset about things that are written. More often than not because they assume, quite wrongly for the most part, that people all think and feel the same. One thing I have come to realise during writing this blog is that whilst there is a common theme amongst those who stop by to read it there is not one individual quite like the next. Some, given the topic on hand like to offer advice and at times I have done so myself for what it’s worth, some offer support and understanding for which I am of course grateful and occasionally every now and then there are some who come along and comment in such a fashion that my normal reply which is often along the lines of “thanks for reading and stay well” simply doesn’t do enough and I feel I need to write a whole post about it.

Today I am writing because of a comment made on a previous post called From me, with love… The lady who commented made some intriguing suggestions as to my obligations following my wife’s five year affair, which is strange because until now I had not realised that I was under any obligation to do anything apart from try to make the best out my life and love my children, something I was happily trying to do before the affair I should add.

Kindly our fellow blogger (emmadillema) has listed a couple of the things I am expected to do by society, and because regretfully so many of my readers share some of my own experiences, I can only assume that these obligations apply to you as they do to me. So please feel free to take a look at the ones below and comment freely. We may not share the same opinion, life would be very dull if we did but I am fairly confident that getting annoyed by strangers reminding me about our “moral obligations” is probably something we all have in common.    


By not telling the other mans wife, whom I do not know. I am apparently,

perpetuating in the circle of lies

Well, thank you. I do not know this person but I do know who she is and where to find her if i wanted to but I have no intention of doing so, I said in the post commented upon that “I think” she is oblivious to what was going on but I really do not know. I fail to see how not talking to someone I do not know can be considered as lying. It is reassuring to know there are some who would jump right in with their size nines and tell someone something when they themselves only have half the story.

Now I have been established as a no good liar I am reminded of my,

moral obligation to tell her

OK. So let me put that into context, I have “supposedly” a moral obligation to tell a woman I do not know that her husband has been having an affair with my wife for the last five years, an affair that is now over and from which we are trying to recover.  Well I have to say that is a complete load of old tosh (which by the way is a great saying from Victorian English linked to sewers, so very apt) Anyway for the record I appreciate we all have different morals to one another but my only “Moral obligation” connected to this whole saga, if indeed I have any, is to see that my children have the best outcome to all of this that they can. I certainly have no Moral obligation to the affair partner’s wife.

OK, I hope your keeping up, so far It has been established by our fellow blogger that I am a lying and immoral type of character, the next piece of advice offered to mend my ways and ensuring I do not spend an eternity surrounded by fire and brimstone  suggests that I

take that woman a box of tissues, sit her down in a quiet space when she won’t suffer humiliation and the as gently as possible give her the truth

because apparently, and here is the shocking part,

I owe her that much

Well, there you are, what can I say in the face of such brilliant and frankly helpful advice, I may go round there right now, with all the details, a copy of the texts, emails and a box of Kleenex, I can just see the conversation.

Hello there?

Who Are you?

Oh you don’t know me but your husbands been seeing my wife…


It’s been going on for five years by the way...

What? why are you telling me this…. Oh wait a minute, is that a box of tissues, do come in and have a cup of tea, so lovely to see you

Or maybe, and I’m only guessing here of course, she might just tell me to piss off and mind my own sodding business as she either knew already or doesn’t want to know me any more than I want to know her and would prefer to be left alone to rebuild what is left of her life. The truth is fellow readers, that whilst I have suddenly been branded as a lying, immoral and simply heartless bastard who would not so much pass you a tissue to dry your eyes with I have my own thoughts and feelings to sort out first before I start thinking about others, and I would remind our fellow blogger whose comments encouraged me to post this that I am not the guilty party , I did not cheat on my wife, and I forgave her (at least I think so) we may not stay together in the future because of the affair but one thing I know with a clarity without comparison is that I have no moral obligation to even think about the other man’s wife, whether that be her welfare her state of mind or anything else. In fact I hope she quietly sits there each and every day plotting how to kill him off without getting caught, and if figures out how to do it and needs an alibi I will be sure to remember my “moral obligations” and offer my services


Regards to all


Stay well



6 thoughts on “My Moral Obligations..(really who wrote this)

    1. Hello, thanks for stopping by, they say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit , but they also say it is the highest form of intelligence,personally whoever “they” are i think are normally wrong buy a small cynical and very British part of me enjoyed writing this, i trust life is treating you well regards “I”

  1. i am opiniated!
    yes i am,i make no apologies for being that way,of course it is never my intention to insult people but as the saying goes if you don’t stand for something,you will fall for anything…sometimes my perspective is not a welcome greeting but slap in the face,not intended for insult but to provoke thought.Of course no one has to take me to heart,they can brush me off and that is fine but if i feel i have something to say i will say it! I am not on a quest to make as many friends as i can herd into a group,the friends and enemies to me will sort themselves out.I have a much greater need to honour the truth then i have need for a high volume friend pool.I have a few great friends,they tell me like it is whether i am going to like what i hear or not.I am so grateful and lucky to have them in my life and i value such honest relationships dearly.Life is hard,and at times brutal,we can’t expect to only hear or have or do what we want,there are times when we must do what must be done because it is either right or wrong.simple as that.if i offend anyone,i apologise for the discomfort my opinions might induce but what is the point of having an opinion if you don’t use it!I also welcome sensible debate on issues of stance,if you have some reason that is somehow obscure to me,by all means explain yourself and show me your point! Nobody knows everything and i could likely learn a thing or two,maybe even change my mind on things i feel firmly over…i have an opinion and so should you.If we cannot agree then let us disagree with respect for each other.I enjoy being challenged and if done with purpose to illustrate a point,then bring it!It’s mindless bashing i don’t care for,vitriol for no purpose…

    1. i agree that my comment lacked diplomacy and it was not my intention to insult you.As you say we are all trying to do our best…the point,if i may,was merely my perspective in thinking that if i was that lady…perhaps insensitive of me to force my beliefs like that,i apologise.There is just so much injustice in affairs,i having been on the receiving end have become rather fiery in defence of the betrayed….perhaps i’m projecting what i wish i had…it’s hard and i just feel so bad that her husband has/is doing this to is true i don’t know her,neither do you but for me i stand by my previous comment,minus the dose of vitriol that you took offence to and i humbly recognise that indeed you have a primary responsibility to sort out your own life and if you so wish to leave it at that.Poor lady though,i wonder is she a kind wife?is she loving,if she is she might be suffering at the hands of the dishonest man whom and not even realising why.I know my husband treated me like crap,moody,ignoring,angry all the time,i had no idea why,i blamed myself and kept trying harder to please him thinking the fault lay with me but as it turns out he was busy with all sorts of hellish crap and it was never about me not being enough.I’m glad i know now ,that part of me is restored to knowing that my best efforts are perfectly acceptable and his bad treatment of me had nothing to do with my not measuring up.

  2. as a wife who was left in the dark I would have appreciated it if one person out of the people that knew would have told me but I don’t think it is your moral obligation and perhaps even a tragedy might result from your disclosure I mean people do crazy things in the midst of high emotion I don’t think the risk is worth it you don’t know these people or their life maybe that’s their lifestyle who knows I think you are completely right in not telling because a) it will just create more drama for you and your wife b) who knows what other kind of drama it will create c) it will not help your recovery and MOST IMPORTANTLY d) you don’t know how it might affect your kids (it might get him and your wife back together or communicating again, his wife might go crazy, he might go crazy who knows!!!!) and that it the most important reason of all as they are the priority here not his wife

    1. Thank You, and I am genuinely sorry to hear you too suffered. I hope this came across as my stating i have no place to be the one to say anything and not that I believe you or anyone else should be kept in the dark, we all have a right to know but not necessarily a right to be the messenger, welcome to my blog and thanks for stopping by and understanding my reasons for remaining silent, stay well regards “I”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s