Sometimes people get a little upset about things that are written. More often than not because they assume, quite wrongly for the most part, that people all think and feel the same. One thing I have come to realise during writing this blog is that whilst there is a common theme amongst those who stop by to read it there is not one individual quite like the next. Some, given the topic on hand like to offer advice and at times I have done so myself for what it’s worth, some offer support and understanding for which I am of course grateful and occasionally every now and then there are some who come along and comment in such a fashion that my normal reply which is often along the lines of “thanks for reading and stay well” simply doesn’t do enough and I feel I need to write a whole post about it.
Today I am writing because of a comment made on a previous post called From me, with love… The lady who commented made some intriguing suggestions as to my obligations following my wife’s five year affair, which is strange because until now I had not realised that I was under any obligation to do anything apart from try to make the best out my life and love my children, something I was happily trying to do before the affair I should add.
Kindly our fellow blogger (emmadillema) has listed a couple of the things I am expected to do by society, and because regretfully so many of my readers share some of my own experiences, I can only assume that these obligations apply to you as they do to me. So please feel free to take a look at the ones below and comment freely. We may not share the same opinion, life would be very dull if we did but I am fairly confident that getting annoyed by strangers reminding me about our “moral obligations” is probably something we all have in common.
By not telling the other mans wife, whom I do not know. I am apparently,
perpetuating in the circle of lies
Well, thank you. I do not know this person but I do know who she is and where to find her if i wanted to but I have no intention of doing so, I said in the post commented upon that “I think” she is oblivious to what was going on but I really do not know. I fail to see how not talking to someone I do not know can be considered as lying. It is reassuring to know there are some who would jump right in with their size nines and tell someone something when they themselves only have half the story.
Now I have been established as a no good liar I am reminded of my,
moral obligation to tell her
OK. So let me put that into context, I have “supposedly” a moral obligation to tell a woman I do not know that her husband has been having an affair with my wife for the last five years, an affair that is now over and from which we are trying to recover. Well I have to say that is a complete load of old tosh (which by the way is a great saying from Victorian English linked to sewers, so very apt) Anyway for the record I appreciate we all have different morals to one another but my only “Moral obligation” connected to this whole saga, if indeed I have any, is to see that my children have the best outcome to all of this that they can. I certainly have no Moral obligation to the affair partner’s wife.
OK, I hope your keeping up, so far It has been established by our fellow blogger that I am a lying and immoral type of character, the next piece of advice offered to mend my ways and ensuring I do not spend an eternity surrounded by fire and brimstone suggests that I
take that woman a box of tissues, sit her down in a quiet space when she won’t suffer humiliation and the as gently as possible give her the truth
because apparently, and here is the shocking part,
I owe her that much
Well, there you are, what can I say in the face of such brilliant and frankly helpful advice, I may go round there right now, with all the details, a copy of the texts, emails and a box of Kleenex, I can just see the conversation.
Who Are you?
Oh you don’t know me but your husbands been seeing my wife…
It’s been going on for five years by the way...
What? why are you telling me this…. Oh wait a minute, is that a box of tissues, do come in and have a cup of tea, so lovely to see you
Or maybe, and I’m only guessing here of course, she might just tell me to piss off and mind my own sodding business as she either knew already or doesn’t want to know me any more than I want to know her and would prefer to be left alone to rebuild what is left of her life. The truth is fellow readers, that whilst I have suddenly been branded as a lying, immoral and simply heartless bastard who would not so much pass you a tissue to dry your eyes with I have my own thoughts and feelings to sort out first before I start thinking about others, and I would remind our fellow blogger whose comments encouraged me to post this that I am not the guilty party , I did not cheat on my wife, and I forgave her (at least I think so) we may not stay together in the future because of the affair but one thing I know with a clarity without comparison is that I have no moral obligation to even think about the other man’s wife, whether that be her welfare her state of mind or anything else. In fact I hope she quietly sits there each and every day plotting how to kill him off without getting caught, and if figures out how to do it and needs an alibi I will be sure to remember my “moral obligations” and offer my services
Regards to all