Once upon a time…

Writing about infidelity is not something I choose to do because I think it is a fascinating topic that is in need of deep exploration and this blog is not full of pictures like the blogs that you might see from someone sharing their enthusiasm of cooking or walking in the woods during the last days of autumn. The words I choose to write are not posted because I have a better insight from which you may learn or better yourself and I do not claim that the manner they are written in is worthy of any literary note. I write this blog for the same reason you do, or at least the same reason you may read them, I write this blog as a method of coping with the hurt created from my wife’s affair and as an escape, there is no hidden agenda and certainly no suggestion that I know what is best.

Naturally writing on this topic, will occasionally mean creating a post that instigates discussion and recently there has been some debate (OK, so I wrote a couple of posts and there were a few comments made) but for the sake of argument let us call it a debate with regards to telling or not telling people something that they may well have a right to know.  We clearly all have very different opinions on what the right thing to do in such circumstances should be and after much debate (sorry, a couple of posts) it would appear that we are no closer to answering this moral dilemma.

Personally my stance is simple. As it is none of my business I will not say anything, life is tough enough at times without strangers (or even someone we know) sticking their nose in and complicating matters even more. There are many who feel that they have a duty to say something and who is to say they are wrong. However I think the word duty is greatly over used and its meaning therefore ends up being diluted to a point of insignificance.

I have myself banded the word “duty” around so often that I thought I should sit down and think upon its meaning, and with the use of the internet (which of course is almost our only reference material in today’s world) I have discovered something very interesting, and one of the biggest critics of duty once asked

“What destroys a man more quickly, than to work, think, and feel without inner necessity, without any deep personal desire, without pleasure—as a mere automaton of “duty”?”

Of course personally I am not a critic of duty but to find a definition is quite impossible, duty, it would appear has so many meanings and interpretations that its connection to love was inevitable. Love after all is so indescribable as a feeling to mere mortals that only something equally as complicated as duty could ever sit by its side without fear of being overwhelmed and so it was, that once upon a time after a brief courtship they were married and became King and Queen of the emotional world. With “love” and “duty” sat upon their thrones looking down on their subjects (that’s us by the way) they reigned supreme leaving the other emotions to run day to day matters whilst they continued in their omnipotence. The courts knight gathered and began creating a land of peace and harmony but alas both “peace” and “harmony” were on holiday with there being an unexpected heat wave that summer and “confusion” stepped in to run things while they were away. “Confusion” liked the job so much that he decided to stay put and when “Peace” and “Harmony” came back all suntanned and relaxed they were both offered  a redundancy package and  eventually took a part time position in administration and pretty much fell off the corporate ladder.

(Wow sometimes I really do loose the thread, maybe I need to review my medication)

My Point, which I can now only vaguely remember is that we all see duty and love very differently, and if we are ever going to get peace and harmony back to their rightful place in the world we will have to learn to understand that, we will probably also have to figure out eventually how futile such expectations are and accept that confusion will probably remain in office for the long term. So if you are battling with an inner argument about telling someone something you think they should know just remember that it might not necessarily be the best thing to do. If you are thinking of telling someone about something you have done yourself that affects them directly then this is not about love or duty but a simple case of honesty, and honesty at least should not be a term open to debate.

Stay well




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